When I was in junior high school, I dreamed of being in a big city somewhere–Manhattan, maybe. Or downtown Portland. I'd marry a high-powered attorney or doctor, I'd be a world-renowned lawyer myself, and our life would blossom amongst the constant bustle of city noise.
I did not dream of buying a house directly next door to my parents, adopting four rescue dogs, and spending much of my free time reading, writing, playing fetch with the dogs, and living solo. But that's the life I wound up choosing.
And I am solidly, contentedly, delightedly happy.
But you could work from anywhere, right?
When someone asks what I do & I begin to explain, they're often pretty jazzed about the idea that I'm basically location independent–that is, I can work from anywhere in the world that has a high-speed internet connection. “So where do you live?” they'll ask. “Ossian–a small town in northeast Indiana,” I reply.
“Oh…” they pause, a disappointed expression on their face. “So, you must have kids?”
I understand the assumption. Small, midwestern town = great place to raise kids. “No,” I grin, “Not unless you count my four dogs as children, anyway!”
“So, then, are you planning to move?” they'll ask, bewildered. “Where do you want to end up?”
“No moving in the foreseeable future,” I explain. “I'm next door to my folks, a couple of streets away from my grandfather and my uncles, and I'm pretty sure one of my dogs is in love with the basset hound across the yard from us, so he'd be heartbroken if we moved.”
“But… you can work from anywhere, right?”
It's like a Rubik's cube with one of the color squares out of place–a puzzle they just can't quite get to fall into place. I can work anywhere, I'm making good money, I'm not raising children, and I choose to live in a really small town, far separated from the young entrepreneurial tribes found in cities like Portland, Austin, and NYC.
Why?
I choose to live here because I'm happy here.
I know, the answer is so simple it's almost a let down, isn't it? There's a lot I love about the place I've chosen as home, though:
- I can walk across the yard with my dogs, and enjoy dinner with my two best friends & biggest supporters (Mums & Daddio), almost every evening.
- This Saturday afternoon, I suddenly decided I wanted to make soup & fresh beer bread for dinner & have a family meal at my house–and a few hours later, I did, complete with Mums' homemade cherry crisp.
- My house is a good size, and it's all my space. As an introvert + HSP of the highest degree, this blisses me out hugely. (I've often said that if I did choose to be in a relationship again someday & it became serious, the fellow would have to be comfortable with us having nearby–but separate–houses. I just love my own space too much!)
- The low cost of living lets me live very comfortably, solo, with my sights set on paying off the house entirely in the next handful of years. I relish the idea of having a home I own… renting an apartment somewhere doesn't even remotely appeal to me.
- About once a week, I get to hop in the van with my fellow coffee fanatic Daddio and go to Starbucks. Never too old for Daddy-Daughter outings!
- Grandpa pops by with fresh roses from his back yard, as well as jars of freshly made jam he made that very day.
- On lovely afternoons, I can sit outside watching the birds & squirrels frolic in the trees, listening to the breeze, and hear nothing more than some kids playing down the street, a dog barking, and the birds singing. I thrive on stillness.
- NO CROWDS. When I visit larger cities, it takes me about three and half minutes to get my fill of the constant traffic and crowds. No matter where you go, no matter the hour of the day, there's always traffic and there's always a crowd. I like spaciousness. Spaciousness is a premium rarity in big cities–around here, it's the norm.
This is the only place in the world where I can get this specific blend of family + cost of living + general quietude + spaciousness + FAMILY.
Yep, I know I mentioned “family” twice. That was intentional. 🙂
There are beautiful sites and fascinating scenes all around the world, and I love traveling to visit & photograph them. But I adore my home, and I adore the place I've chosen as my home. While I could find elements of what I love in other places, I couldn't replicate all of these elements, anywhere else in the world.
And that's why I'm happy here.
My old dreams had a lot to do with other peoples' definitions of success.
When I saw myself as a high-powered lawyer, married, living in a small apartment in a big city, most of that was based on what I believed success looked like. I mean, in the movies, in the fairy tales, on tv, in the tween book series… that's always the ultimate goal: get married, live in tall fancy building in bustling metropolis, accumulate wealth while wearing very high heels, etc.
It wasn't so much that I thought each of those elements would enhance my own happiness–it was that I believed in order to be viewed as successful, those were all elements I'd need to collect.
Kind of like life was a big scavenger hunt, and if I collected enough of the items on the list, someone would hand me a button that said, “Hey, you're a success!”
This isn't where I dreamed I'd be at age 34. It is, however, where I am happy at age 34.
I have collected almost none of the items on my adolescent Things Needed To Be Successful scavenger hunt list. And thank goodness. Had I “succeeded” in acquiring all of them, I'd likely be frantically stressed out, exhausted, depleted, broke and a pretty lousy spouse to the poor bloke who'd be trying to figure out why I was so unhappy when I had all these check marks on my life list.
Instead, I wake up in a house I love, greet the four rescue dogs who make my heart melt, wave to my parents across the backyard, do work I genuinely enjoy while sitting in the middle of my sofa listening to the birds chirp, and count the ways in which I feel blessed while I watch the clouds roll over my small hometown.
I can, indeed, work from anywhere.
And I choose to work from here. Because here is where I'm happy.
And that's the kind of success that's important to me.
And you?
Has the success you dreamed of changed over the years? Have you, like me, found that what you once viewed as the markers of “success” were different than the elements that make up your happiness?
Feel free to noodle on that… and if any answers spring to mind, please leave them in the comments. I'd love to hear!
Thank you for sharing this! I think it will greatly help a lot of us. It is important to learn about our own dreams and what makes us feel good versus what society expects of us. I wish someone had told me that when I was a teenager.
This is very beautifully expressed – I admire that you were able to redefine your dreams on your own terms!
Thank you, Hiba!
So good!! I remember just moving OUT of Portland and isolating myself on an island (Philippines) just when it was beginning to be a blog hub. I’m technically location independent and in SE Asia but I don’t hang out with all the cool kids; the digital nomad hubs of Bali or Chiang Mai. But yet I am happy where I’m at! I feel I’m right where I need to be.
It’s kind of the best of both worlds, right? We get to hang out with all the cool kids online, and yet live wherever feels right. I do love visiting folks in those hubs, and I always feel very “with my tribe of peeps” when I’m there… but it’s only when I return home that I really feel deeply *at home*. And that feeling is just priceless.
I’ve kind of got the opposite version of happiness going on here! Well, not opposite – it is certainly filled with family as well, but in the form of 4 kids and a husband! It’s really not what I have envisioned for myself, but it works. 🙂
Good for you living your dream and forgetting what others have to say about it. It sounds like you have a wonderful set up right there where you are. 🙂
Three cheers for veering off the “where I thought I’d be” course and landing squarely in the “right where I belong” happy spot. Many happinesses to you + your lovely family! 🙂
I just love this! There is such freedom in loving who you are, where you are and what you do and do not want in your life. Congratulations on being content, self-confident, fulfilled and joyful in beautiful Indiana!
Thank you for sharing this! I know its not easy to go against the grain from other people’s expectations in life and I admire you for that. I’m still trying to find my way at the age of 34 and I have to come to terms with the fact that I may never get there (wherever that may be). My dreams and expectations change often and I have to go with the flow.
I do know I want to remain in a medium city (Portland!) for a variety of reasons including access to health care, especially alternative health care since I have two chronic illnesses. Also the fact that its a relatively racially tolerant area (though its not very diverse) helps a lot. I learned its not easy, safe or even practical being a person of color in small town America as idyllic as it may seem at times – for that reason sometimes dreams have to be modified.
Keep up the good work!
I often think of the quote, “The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.” That quote always makes me smile. It is all about the journey… in the end, our “there + then” turns out to be just a series of “here + now”s. Letting go of the “there” is, I think, a mark of wisdom. 🙂
And I have to say–you’re right about the diversity. In my ideal world, this area would be much more racially + culturally diverse… it’s one aspect of larger communities that I miss being in a small town. It makes me even more grateful for the connections + friendships I make online, where I feel like I get to mingle with such a lovely plethora of people & ideas!
Thank you for the thoughtful comment… and happy journeying to you!
Success is the word I chose for this year. Not to be more successful but to realise that I am a success already and change mu perception. This post was perfect timing xxx
LOVE THIS. I remember very clearly when I really started feeling abundance in my life: it wasn’t when I had a lot of cash coming in, but when I started to notice how much abundance already existed in my world, and how it showed up in such a variety of ways. Funny how the very things we most want are often sitting right beside us, just waiting for us to notice them. 🙂
The family piece is so important! We live in the same neighborhood as both my mom and my son and his family – a bit of a family sandwich, all by choice.
Sounds like you have found a path that works for you – congrats! 🙂
I can’t wait to live close to my family, in a small city, with a house full of dogs! Your blissful life is my dream life. And I’m very happy that my dream life is about to manifest! It’s wonderful to imagine all the awesome adventures I’ll be able to have with my grandmother Yolanda and her sharp sense of humor. 🙂
Thank you for writing this post, Marissa. You know I appreciate you and your work beyond words, right?
Love!
You are such a light, Barbara! Thank you! I am looking forward to seeing lots of pictures of your house full of dogs & hearing all about the adventures of Barbara + Yolanda. 🙂 It is just around the corner!
Ditto Susan Tolles. It sounds like freedom to me — much more important than success. I thought I'd grow up and move to Seattle (Big City). I spent a couple of years in Seattle and discovered that my happy places have nothing to do with hustle and bustle and definitely nothing to do with traffic and commuting. Thank you for your beautiful description of your life and your happiness. You've made some choices that mean you are your Self, unfolding perfectly, in harmony. Your grace and gratitude are contagious.
I was just stubborn enough as a teenager that I suspect I probably *did* hear that advice from someone–most likely my mom–and just didn't let it really sink in. I have told Mums on many occasions that the older I get, the wiser I realize she's always been!
Haha! I love the “family sandwich.” Very cute.
My parents & I joke that we’re just going to start buying up the houses on our block one by one, and eventually build a gigantic house & have all of our family members move in & call it Fort Bracke. Until then, though, I like our little family sandwich!
Thank you, Susan! You're so right about finding that freedom within. It is a wonderful discovery + blessing!
Thank you so much Kate. I really do feel like I’m in alignment, in the flow, in harmony… most of the time, anyway. 😉 And then the times when I don’t feel that way are the times I’m really, really glad that a hug from mom is just next door & that I have four very willing snuggle buddies to cheer me up & set things right again. Many happinesses to you!
yes and yes!
I haven't had any very defined dreams but sure am not living the 'succesfull' way of life YET am happy and content and fullfilled mostly.
peacefully working on my own business, in my own pace (uniqueness has no competition is my main drive in being a copywriter/text inspirer at Natural Words).
love your posts these days, they resonate very well <3.
found myself having some judgement towards you (meaning there is a definition of being succesfully human in place here) but it's just a thought that comes and goes, no reason to hook into it 🙂
i'll keep track of you for now because it resonates NOW and wish to find me a dutch version of you in the (near) future).
enjoy the peace of life living as you <3.
And isn't it weird how these ideals are not what we really wanted/ needed/ were right, but yet we stick to them…..its OK to change 😀 And being happy is the MOST important thing in the universe 😀
great article, very refreshing to read 😀 xxxx
I LOVE this post. I talk about creating a "First Class life" and honestly, it's a completely subjective thing – you have to define what it means to you to be able to achieve it.
Marissa, you're a breath of fresh Indiana air! Seriously, all the hype around what we're supposed to be doing/working towards is very UN-happy making stuff. Like you mentioned, I talk to so many with so much of what they "wanted" who are absolutely miserable, because they don't actually have what mattered most to them (they have to go back and figure that out). Turns out, it's quality of your day to day life that counts in the end, and that = having people/dogs/places you love to spend time that feel good to you. Doesn't matter if Hollywood and Vogue say it's boring or lame… I too am not doing anything remotely similar to what I thought I would. But my life gives me the daily lifestyle I love; spending time in my garden, hiking my dog and husband, cooking and reading, and helping people in a super significant way each day. I love driving my old jeep, because it doesn't matter if I dent it (again) at the horse ranch where I volunteer (thought I'd drive a glossy convertible BMW). It's not glamorous, but it's me, and that's the just the best. 🙂
This is fabulous. Nomadtopia is all about creating your ideal life, anywhere in the world, and Marissa is doing it just as "right" as anyone you'll find gallivanting around the globe. A huge piece of location independence is that you can choose to be anywhere in the world that makes you happy, just like she has. Nice work, Marissa!
Love this Marissa. LOVE.IT.
I really needed to read this – I've been on the Scavenger Hunt for Success and this is the wake up call I was really looking for. Thank you!
We have these ideals in our brains and they seem to be there stuck sometimes, not changing with us when we change. My life isn't as I 'imagined' it to be, but then that was materialistic & ego centred when I look back at those 'ideals'. My life is happier than I ever imagined it to be, materialistically it is SO totally different to where I imagined I would be- but that doesn't matter at all because I have stepped away from ego thinking and do heart thinking (most of the time) and that is way way better. I didn't think about heart feelings, or contentment, or pure happiness then. I do now. Life is gloriously fabulously happy <3 I am so happy to be in this place <3 Oooh right, I will get off my soapbox now 😀
Loved this article, it is so uplifting! Thanks for sharing Claire x
LOVE this post!
I admire how close you are to your family and that it feels so good to you to live near them. I couldn't wait to get away from mine!
In my mind success….and a happy life…is all about alignment and noticing what feels good to you and setting up your life and your biz to reflect that.
I've worked with a lot of people who lived pre-packaged lives. They were checking off the check-list for success only to realize that it looked good on paper but felt lousy to live. It's so amazing to see them unleash themselves from the stories and expectaions and start tuning into what feels right to them. It's like magic!
LOVE this post!
I admire how close you are to your family and that it feels so good to you to live near them. I couldn't wait to get away from mine!
In my mind success….and a happy life…is all about alignment and noticing what feels good to you and setting up your life and your biz to reflect that.
I've worked with a lot of people who lived pre-packaged lives. They were checking off the check-list for success only to realize that it looked good on paper but felt lousy to live. It's so amazing to see them unleash themselves from the stories and expectaions and start tuning into what feels right to them. It's like magic!
Your article explains exactly why I'm moving back to my home country after 11 years in the US. I disappoint so many when my reply to their question was "I simply want to spend time with my family". They were hoping for a extravagant answer but I honestly just wanted to have an authentic, quality life. Similarly, being closer to family is not what I have dream of when I turn 30. I dreamt of owning a beautiful house in California, travel the world and have a thriving career. Well, I got all that before 30 and I was still feeling empty. I asked what was missing and it wasn't obvious to me until I realize I am always happy when I am with my family. I want to have dinner with them on most nights and celebrate birthdays and never miss out on what was new with them. I want to be able to hop onto my Dad's car and go for a impromptu game of golf or visit the morning market with my Mom to get fresh vegetables and see what to have for lunch. Fun, stress-free and comforting. It was obvious then I have complicated my life – with the goals/success we think we are suppose to have!
Like you, I'm blessed that I can take my work anywhere as long as I have internet connection. Thank you so much for your article. Gives me more affirmation to why moving back to Malaysia is the right thing to do! Namaste.
I totally understand you move…. well said
I totally understand you move…. well said
i get it, Jessie Chiang but thanks for putting it into words for those of us who are trying to understand the loss we feel with you leaving. I am so happy that you have come full circle and now will find your true joy at home with your family. We will always love you and feel it is our honor to have been your "American family". <3
Tonya I'm teary-eyed reading your comment. While I'm extremely grateful how warm you and your family have welcome and integrate me and UY as part of your family, I think we have a karma to balance and as corny as it may sound, to bring our knowledge and energy to another part of the globe where our work is needed. And in order to do that, I need our family for the strength of the stable foundation to pursue far and high, while simplify our life as we reach out. I love you and your family. We couldn't have done come this far without you. <3 Now go enjoy your vacation! 🙂
awesome reply Jessie! and i'm sure your decision will not fail you 🙂 the doors of Home will never close on you *hugs*
Returning to family dinners, morning walks with mom, birthday celebrations and living a simpler life needs no explanation or justification. Many of us would do the same if we could. Of course we will miss you, but those who love you want for you what make you happy!
Fiona Thank you!
R. Danielle Anyone and everyone can do the same. If family is of top priority, then it is up to an individual to make this priority of importance; by taking some powerful actions for the changes they want to see in their life.