The “Highlight” of My Morning

I’m in my favorite of favorite classes (ha!) and the prof has put a handout on the display projector. It is a column of information consisting of four paragraphs. The first paragraph is just intro, running about 4 lines long. The entire rest of the column is highlighted.

Yes, she has highlighted the whole article, as if every single word was just so vital that simply printing it in black and white, blowing it up to 100 times its normal size and forcing us to stare at it for 10 minutes just wasn’t enough, she has highlighted the whole thing.

I am supposed to be learning from this person. Oh, I smirk.

Back to TVGasm apprentice recaps–the only useful information I’ll be getting in this class, clearly. If only I could highlight the whole recap…

Oh man, just when I thought it couldn’t get better. She just put up a second page to this article, and at least 80% of it is highlighted. And underlined! Highlighted and underlined! The whole thing. Oh god, this is funny. Wouldn’t you love to see her textbooks from law school? I bet she was one of those students who “read” with her highlighter, so that every page was a virtual pastel rainbow of highlighted stripes, and she had no clue what was actually important in the reading, because everything was highlighted. And underlined.

Here’s another part that I adore about this class (and by adore, I mean obsessively hate like the pain a papercut gives you when it first happens): we’re supposed to be having student presentations today, but our professor is so deeply in love with the sound of her own voice that she cannot stop talking and let the students do their thing.

(Plus, she loves telling us about how she single-handedly brings genius idea upon genius idea to various Boards, companies, clients, drafters of legislation, etc. And seriously? Lady, if you were that good at your job, you’d be doing that job instead of standing in front of an audience that cannot escape and bragging about it.)

What amazes me about this professor–and I guess I should be so grateful that I’m blessed with her profound nasal wisdom (seriously, she speaks entirely through her nostrils, and not at all through her mouth, making your ears bleed after about 10 minutes of her melodic lectures)… what amazes me is that she has personal, first-hand experience and knowledge and more wisdom than any other expert in the field about every subject we’ve discussed in this class. And yet? She’s been a professor for the last two decades. Astounding! She’s been able to pioneer and introduce every idea known to this field of legal practice while never once actually being out in practice! Isn’t that impressive?

Oooh! We are on page 3 of the article–and this one is highlighted and underlined too. Like she went through and underlined everything, then decided that no, that wasn’t enough emphasis on the entire article, so maybe it should be painted yellow too. I get the impression that her house is probably one of those that started out with the idea that, “A touch of blue would be nice in this room…” and wound up with fourteen shades of blue covering every square inch of the room and its decorations, and with her standing looking at it, thinking about how she has single-handedly revolutionized interior decorating, and she will have to remember to publish an article about it. And then copy it, underline it, and highlight it. And nasally disect it in front of a captive audience.

Hey, how many days ’til graduation?

–M–

Labels: humor, law school