…Stand Tall And You’ll Be Shot At

There’s a saying I love: “Stoop and you’ll be stepped on; stand tall and you’ll be shot at.”

Norwell Junior High School. Lunchtime. A group of about eight girls sits at a lunch table. Girl #1– the Lead Girl, if you will–begins cruelly mocking and ridiculing Girl #2. Girl #2 is clearly hurt, and her eyes start welling up with tears. This seems to inspire Girl #1, whose taunts become more pointed, more hurtful, and louder. Girls #3-7 follow their leader and join the ridiculing and mocking of Girl #2.

I am not Girl #2. I am Girl #8. I am the one who, after Girl #2 completely breaks down into heaving sobs and runs to the restroom, tells Girls #1 and #3-7 how immature, spiteful and hateful they just acted toward someone they claimed was a friend, and how despicable I found their actions. I rushed into the restroom to comfort Girl #2, who cried on my shoulder and asked why she’d been singled out for such hurtful verbal barbs. I didn’t have an answer.

The next day, Girl #1 and Girl #2 had reconciled, bonded together over their joint decision to verbally punish Girl #3 for, who knows, her choice of hairspray or something equally vital. It was Girl #1 who approached me in the lunch line that day, announcing that I was no longer welcome at their lunch table.

Big surprise.

I’d broken a cardinal rule of School Survival: when Lead/Popular Person chooses to mock, ridicule, hurt, punish, abuse, or torture someone else, you join in. Or at least, you stand by and allow it to occur. You do not, ever, under any circumstances, console the victim and/or stand up to the bully. Never.

Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on whether you grew up as a Member of the A-Crowd or an Outcast) I never bought into that rule. Still don’t. It still pisses me off terribly when I see someone being hurt in school–physically or emotionally–while groups of students watch, ignore, or join in. The thing is? Of all the bullies I stood up to, of all the lunch tables I was asked to leave because I told someone to quit being an immature prick, none of those bullies ever hit me. Ever. They abused me in every other way, verbally and emotionally, and made my life hell, but they never physically attacked me.

And yet, after all those years of hell inflicted by those bullies and their sheep-cohorts, I still feel the urge to stand up and declare, “The emporer has no clothes on, folks!” when I see bullying. I remember what it felt like to be the one bullied, and I remember how awful it felt in those times when I observed bullying and did not do something to stop it. That was just as bad as being the target.

Tonight, at age 26, I approach another situation where I will confront a group of students. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. But damn it, I hate it when negative things are allowed to be occur or continue only because no one has the balls to stand up and tell the person to knock it off. Who was it that said, “All that is required for evil to exist is for good men to do nothing?” I don’t remember the speaker, but I remember the idea. I hate that people will stand by and let someone so tear down someone else… and will say nothing to stop the situation.

I can’t do it. I can’t. I cannot be one of those bystanders. First of all, I wasn’t raised that way. Second of all, it isn’t right. Third, I believe in karma, and while it isn’t my place to deliver the bully’s come-uppance, I don’t want to earn my own come-uppance because I didn’t stand up to do what I knew I should.

So this evening, I will stand in front of a group of adults–grown adults who should know better–and I will remind them that “bullies” suck (even if it’s just verbal barbs tossed toward someone) and that allowing the someone to be hurt is no solution either. In other words, knock it off.

[And by the way? I never wanted to sit at those lunch tables all those years ago anyway. Their superiority complexes made me uncomfortable because I could see through their facade and I didn't like what I saw behind it.]

Another quote I love: “I don’t want everyone to like me. I should think less of myself if some people did.”

–M–

Labels: all about me, law school