My cousin Sam posted the following at his web page the other day, and I got such a kick out of it I decided to post it here. It’s titled “You know you’re from Wells County when…” but it certainly is not limited in applicability to Wells County alone. In fact, I think most of the small towns in America can probably relate. And as John “Spits Gum In The Orchestra Pit While Addressing IU’s Graduates” Mellencamp would say, “Ain’t that America? It’s somethin’ to see, baby.”
You Know You’re From [Insert Small Town/County Here] When…
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H is.
3. You ever went to a party that was held about 20 miles down a deserted dirt road.
4. You started driving by the time you could see over the steering wheel.
5. You said the ‘F’ word and your parents knew within an hour.
6. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers since you know which ones would bust you.
7. You went or thought about going cow-tipping.
8. School gets canceled for everything but the weather.
9. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were.
10. When you did find someone old enough to buy smokes for you, you had to drive down country backroads to smoke them.
11. You never missed a Homecoming [or Street Fair! --M]
12. You still go home for Homecoming. [or Street Fair! --M]
13. It was cool to date someone from a neighboring town. [but see #19: as soon as you broke up, it was totally cool to again refer to that person as "trashy" or "snotty," making breakups very convenient. --M]
14. You had a senior prank.
15. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
16. You can’t help but date a friend’s ex.
17. Your car is always filthy from the dirt backroads.
18. You think that kids who ride skateboards are weird. [or as the "hard-core rebels" of the school --M]
19. The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snotty” when it is just like your town.
20. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
21. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”
23. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
24. On Fridays, anyone you want to find can be found at the Wal-Mart
25. Weekend excitement involves a trip to Wal-mart.
26. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests. [And win! --M]
27. You decide to walk for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you need a ride.
28. Your teachers call you by your older sibling’s name.29. The closest “cool stores” are at least 45 miles away.
I would also add the following entries:
30. When the school holds a “spirit day” allowing people to come dressed as farmers, the majority of your classmates do not alter their daily attire and still fit in.
31. You know of at least three instances of classmates being late to school because their school bus wound up in an actual ditch on a backroad where no one travels and thus, no one was around to help
32. Someone can finish a story with the sentence, “So I wound up with squirrel for dinner!” and no one assumes it’s a punchline.
33. Before you could drive, it was cool to hang out at the nearest neighborhood “crick.”
34. A gas station doubles as your local hang-out.
35. When fundraisers occur, every house in the area will be bombarded no less than five times with students selling the exact same crap.
36. The A-Crowd/Smart Kids/Band Geeks/Rebel crowds have overlap, because there simply aren’t enough people at school to populate each group without repetition.
37. You routinely attend parties that involve (a) bonfires, (b) directions that include, “Keep following that road for eight miles, turn at the grain silo, follow that gravel road until you pass the cows…” or (c) bottle rocket fights.
38. Your school principal has had to make an announcement that drivers heading home should exercise extra caution because a bull has gotten loose from a neighboring field and may be in the roads.
39. You knew friends who owned some type of firearm before they started losing their baby teeth.
40. You have ever had a fight with a parent over why you believed you should be completely entitled, at age 7, to play with said firearm at said friend’s house without parental supervision, because “all your other friends get to”–and you weren’t exaggerating.
–M
Labels: humor, just for fun
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I’m Marissa, can-do-ologist, perpetual Curious George, and daily adventurer. 
