The Monday Mashup is an experiment, designed to get my creative juices flowing. I get a random word and a random number, and I write a list based on that mashup. I’m not going to require myself to make the list perfect or expert–just requiring myself to do it consistently. At least for now.
This week’s mashup: Ten Expressions
The first five expressions are ones that bug me.
1. To be honest with you… When someone says this, my immediate thought is, “Were you not being honest with me before?”
2. Not to be rude, but… Does this phrase ever preface a comment that isn’t rude? It would be more honest to say, “Get ready for the rude!” At least then I wouldn’t think you were full of it.
3. If you want my opinion… If I’ve asked for your opinion, there’s no need to say this. And if I haven’t asked for your opinion and you’re genuinely uncertain whether it’s wanted, wouldn’t it be better to ask, “Do you want my opinion?” Phrasing it like this basically says, “I’m pretending to care about whether you want to hear my opinion, but really, I’m givin’ it to you no matter what.”
4. It’s hotter than a witch’s _ _ _! Ugh. First, this is a disgusting phrase on multiple levels. Second, saying this makes you immediately seem less intelligent than you did before you uttered it. Third, what on earth does that even mean? Have you felt various parts of a witch’s anatomy and come to some conclusion about their temperature relative to the outdoor climate? Just… ugh. But every single summer, I hear this at least once. And I am appropriately perturbed every time.
5. Very truly yours… When I worked as an attorney, this was a common closing phrase on letters, and it never seemed very truly appropriate. It seemed either patronizing or silly. (“Oh, you’re truly mine? Not just truly, but very truly? Well, isn’t that sweet. Thank you so much… random person with whom I have no relationship.”)
The next five expressions are ones I dig.
6. Bob’s your uncle… This British phrase is a favorite. I have no real reason why, other than it delights me when someone uses it in their speech as if it’s just the most natural thing in the world to say. “I saw them at the Cafe, and Bob’s your uncle, we were having coffee and laughing like old friends!” Love it.
7. Mad as a wet hen. I’ve never actually seen a wet hen. I can only assume that hens, when wet, are mad. But I have a clear visual in my head of an infuriated, soaked clucker running around, flapping and squawking, and juxtaposing that visual with the person toward whom the phrase is being applied always makes me giggle.
8. How do you like them apples? (see also How ’bout them apples). This phrase got a resurgence in pop culture lingo after the movie Good Will Hunting featured a main character using it to great effect. But ever since I was a little girl, I found this phrase as crisp and delectable as the fruit it references. A little nonsensical? Sure. A little old-fashioned? Maybe. A satisfying way to sum up an unexpected happening? Absolutely.
9. Thank you. We say this reflexively in a lot of situations because it’s socially expected. And that’s fine. But when someone says “Thank you” and means it in a way that goes beyond social expectations or reflexive response, those two words always nestle into a soft, cozy spot in my day and leave me feeling glowingly appreciated.
10. Go big or go gnome! I saw this one on a T-shirt made by the folks at Television Without Pity, referencing the Travelocity gnome used in The Amazing Race. I loved it immediately, first because I have an odd fascination with and adoration of gnomes, and second because it’s simultaneously zany and just a little pep-inspiring. It’s a win-win pep phrase. You either Go Big (huzzah! biggifying!) or you Go Gnome (possibly even better).
Your turn!
What expressions make you madder than a wet hen? What phrases do you love and use, even if they make no sense to anyone but you?
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I’m Marissa, can-do-ologist, perpetual Curious George, and daily adventurer. 
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Marissa:
Nice post! I have a pet peave…it’s not necessarily an expression, but it is the word “obviously.” I thought the word “like” was pretty overused, but “obviously” is giving it a run for its money. Just watched an Alex Rodriquez (NY Yankees) interview and he dropped that word at least 4 times in two minutes. I like and agree with the expressions that bug you, especially the “not to be rude” expression.
Tim´s last blog ..Weekend Video Diversion: Improv Everywhere
Twitter: CharlieGilkey
October 12, 2009 at 1:20 pm
First, I’ve always heard “colder than a witch’s …”, which seems to make more sense. I imagine witches being cold, so it makes sense that an extended part of their anatomy would be cold.
Second, having experienced a wet hen, I can attest that they are, in fact, mad. For the reasons you mentioned.
Third, I love that “Thank you” was included.
Fourth, you know my feelings about “How ’bout them apples?” Thanks for that one! (Okay, maybe not the sincerest thanks…)
Go Big or Go Gnome indeed, Marissa. Thanks for sharing yourself with us!
Charlie´s last blog ..Becoming Yourself and Growing Your Blog
Like Charlie, I’ve never heard the “hotter than a…” always the colder one.
One of my favorites, although it’s a little culture-specific, is the Sufi/Islamic phrase: “Salaam aleikum” (peace unto you) to which the proper response is “Wa aleikum salaam” (and unto you, peace.)
Although, to tell the truth, I sometimes prefer our personal version of that one: “Salami I like’em.” “Yah, I like’em, salami.”
Especially at mid-morning snack time. Assuming it’s kosher-halal, free range beef salami. Just sayin’.
No later than yesterday, I was thinking about expressions in English and how some of them are funny/weird to me. Sure, we have our funny/weird ones in French too, but I’m used to them, so the effect isn’t quite the same.
Yesterday, I was actually thinking about something that I may have wanted to blog, and thought of the expression in French that would have summed up the thing pretty well. Now, I can’t even remember what it was I wanted to blog about, because as soon as I remembered the English equivalent to that expression, I was so totally disgusted that I wiped the whole thing out of my mind. The expression in question? Killing two birds with one stone. This vegan girl says, well, uh, no thanks!
Josiane´s last blog ..Practicing body poetry with Havi
Any expression for “pregnant” that isn’t actually “pregnant”. (e.g. preggers, preggo, bun in the oven, pea in the pod)
Ugh!
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Sabotage Your Income
Twitter: marissabracke
October 12, 2009 at 11:37 pm
@Tim: You’re so right about the overuse of “obviously.” If something is obvious, how often do you really have to say so? (If you’re A-Rod, apparently two times each minute!) “Literally” is another one in this category. I’m literally sick of hearing it used so much, obviously.
@Charlie: Well, now that I know there’s a (regional?) disagreement about the actual temperature of witch anatomy, I’m just adding that to my list of reasons why that phrase shouldn’t be used.
@Mark: I love “Salaam aleikum” too! I first learned that when I took a class on Islam in college. The professor started class (and his voicemail) with it, and I thought it was such a wonderful way of greeting someone. Thank you for reminding me of it! I got a chuckle out of the Salami version too… that would be a good mnemonic for the actual phrase!
@Josiane: I never paused to consider the “kill two birds” phrase before, but you’re right, it is a rather dark image for an animal lover to use! Sort of like “dog eat dog world” (which I’ve never been fond of). Funny how I never even noticed a potentially ick-inducing phrase, because it’s so commonplace in the language. You got my mind a-reelin’ thinking of other iffy phrases that I probably take for granted too!
@Hayden: A former classmate used to say “pregnacious encounter” (e.g., “I heard she’s having a pregnacious encounter” or “My sister had a pregnacious encounter, and is due in a few months”). I’m pretty sure she made that one up, but it sure did strike me as an odd way to refer to pregnancy. My least favorite expression for pregnancy, though, is “in a family way.” I mean… what? LOL
I can’t stand when anyone says “frosh” instead of “freshman”.
And I have a beef with “I’m just sayin’”.
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I can’t STAND “colder than a witch’s ____”… as a person who considers herself a witch I think its pretty offensive to be considered cold (especially since I come from the prairies and “cold” is usually around -20C to -40C). I wouldn’t expect someone who was christian to be happy about being considered cold blooded…
I also hate “whatev” not “Whatever”… no, now apparently its even shorter, “whatev”… ick.
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I KNOW I’m going to want to come back and amend this with even more but I HATE, HATE, HATE:
LOL’s. Unfortunately, I have been guilty via text thought not recently.
“Like” (mentioned above and it seems to be a curse for young women 25 and under…)
LOVE:
“Bloody hell”, the words “thwart” and “serendipity”.
Crap. I’m tired and I have many. Will perhaps blog a list later and share?
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