Liveblogging my last law school class

I attended my final law school class today. I’ll have an entry about the completion of the school process later, maybe tomorrow. Today, I thought it’d be fun to keep a minute-by-minute liveblog of my final 50 minutes of law student-dom.

Here we go, Masterpiece Theater presents: The Final Secured Transactions Class

1:41– The last 49 minutes of my student career. I am bored already
1:42– Professor tells us about when he’s available to answer questions. I am amused at his belief that any majority of us will actually be studying.
1:43– Hallelujah; he says he’s actually going to go through the rest of the sample questions. What a novel idea. (See yesterday’s rant.)
1:45– Professor asks for any questions, and class remains silent. I say a silent prayer of thanks for small miracles.
1:47– I’m hungry. Someone’s computer is beeping. I pause to wonder whether I have adult A.D.D. Hey, I think that black bird outside is flying in circles…
1:49– This is going to be a very anticlimatic ending to my law school career. I remember the level of fear, anticipation, excitement, and adrenaline during those first moments of my first law school class (Civil Procedure with my idol, Professor Dooley), and it’s a stark contrast to my apathy and wandering attention occuring at this moment. Is that what you call the result of “personal growth?” heh
1:51– I just wrote in my notes, “Perfected as a proceed, it is.” Apparently, I’m channeling Yoda.
1:52– Everytime the professor writes or mentions the phrase “seriously misleading,” I immediately want to add something like, “And totally bamboozling, for sure! Radically confusing, dude!”
1:54– Speaking of “seriously misleading” name changes that would throw off a creditor’s search, remember when Phoebe on Friends changed her name to Princess Consuela Banana-hammock? That was funny. She only changed back to Phoebe Buffay when her fiance threatened to change his name to “Crap Bag.” Wait… am I still in class?
1:56– Despite professor’s promise to go through ALL of the sample test questions, he has reverted to just taking questions from the “audience.” I don’t mind A question or two here and there; everyone needs clarification sometimes. But it’s the long SERIES of questions from one student that make me feel violent.
2:00– Aren’t we done yet?
2:01– Someone (namely the PROFESSOR) should introduce these students to the idea of “office hours.” Or “email.” In other words, perhaps bringing to light the idea that if you personally have about 152 questions, and the rest of your classmates don’t, perhaps it’s more beneficial to all involved for you to seek individual help rather than making your classmates sit through what devolves into a tutoring session between you and the prof.
2:03– We are “moving on” to the next sample question! Woot woot! I make a failed attempt to start the wave to celebrate.
2:07– I realize it took us THREE class periods to get through ELEVEN sample questions. My frustration makes more sense now, eh?
2:13– We’re doing a hypo. I’m actually taking notes. This marks the first time I’ve done that in this class all semester. First time and last time. It’s nicely even, right?
2:16– I’m bored. I want to move through this hypo a bit faster. One time through each step is really sufficient. Two times through each explanation is overkill. Six and seven times? Borders on that hypnosis that occurs via extreme repetition of mundane details.
2:19– Professor asks if what he just went through, in detail and at length, needed to be explained again. I emphatically shook my head no and mouthed, “nooooooo.” It was to no avail.
2:21– Cool! A helicopter just flew by the window.
2:23– I haven’t seen any birds or squirrels for quite some time now outside the window. I am concerned for their well-being.
2:25– I fall asleep waiting for the punchline to this hypo to finally arrive. zzzzzzzz…
2:26– Last 14 minutes of class… last 14 minutes of my student career…
2:27– Sweet fancy moses, this hypo explanation is taking a long time. Bank One wins! It’s very, very simple! Sheesh. I now remember distinctly why it is that I never, ever took notes in this class.
2:29– When a student asks “Will you review…” or “Will you go over…” this professor immediately says, “NO.” Then the class laughs. The sad part of the joke is that he doesn’t actually mean it when he says “No.”
2:30– Whoa! Someone’s computer is totally becoming a locust. I swear, it sounds exactly like a locust. Cool. No, wait, actually that’s kind of creepy. Stop it, locust computer.
2:31– At -1 minutes into my law school career… we’re finally dismissed.