Graduation: Realistically

We are “required” to attend our graduation ceremony. I say “required” with a cynical tone to that word because I’m really not quite sure that, if push came to shove, the administration would have much of a leg to stand on to say, “We know that you’ve successfully completed all of your classes, obtained the requisite number of credit hours, and followed all of the ABA’s guidelines for academic progression, but because you wouldn’t don a funny cape, listen to farewell and good luck speeches, and walk across our stage, you don’t get your diploma.”

Um… yeah.

I kind of want to not go, just to see how far they’d push that argument. Because I have a feeling some really priceless “discussions” with distinguished members of the administration could come of that. But in the interest of finishing up law school without making too many extra waves in these smooth seas, I’ll play along. But I still don’t buy the “required” part. Baloney.

Many of my friends are excited about the graduation ceremony, and are a bit baffled that I’m not. But I’m really not. I didn’t attend my undergraduate graduation ceremony, and were this one not “required” I wouldn’t attend this either. The ceremony itself means remarkably little to me–it’s just a ceremony. It’s just a formalized way of saying, “Yup, ya’ll are done!” (Not to mention, let’s face it, a good promotional activity, but that’s not just our school, that’s all schools–otherwise, why the competition for the “best” commencement speaker?)

I told my family they were welcome to attend, but certainly not expected to attend, and that I wouldn’t be hurt if they chose not to. ESPECIALLY because of our school’s extremely well-thought out rule that no tickets shall be distributed for the ceremony, but that our family members should all stand in a large herding line in a first-come, first-served fashion, as though they were attempting to get tickets to the latest Hoobastank concert instead of trying to attend a commencement ceremony that they (most likely) helped finance with their monetary assistance to their graduate.

Moreover, the chapel in which our ceremony is being held? Not air conditioned. Smart. Really. Because in May in Indiana, the temps can be anywhere from cool to hot and humid. And I know I personally would like nothing more than to don a polyester robe and velvet hat and sit crammed into an overcrowded un-air-conditioned space with 1299 other people and sit through a couple of hours of ceremonial la-di-da. Oy.

Also? My grandparents are essentially prohibited from attending the ceremony, as the chapel is not handicap accessible, and if you want to do something as outlandish as use the restroom, you either have to take the stairs and then walk down a semi-long hallway, or you have to walk to a neighboring building. And for someone who simply doesn’t get around quite as easily as they once did, that’s not a two-minute trip. That’s a big undertaking. And I think it’s appalling that our school opts to hold the graduation ceremony somewhere that immediately excludes a lot of family members, and makes it difficult for many others.

I’ll be honest. I’m looking forward to our class sponsor’s speech, as Professor Loebl is really humorous, and is just a nice guy, and I have a feeling he’ll give a great speech. I’m also looking forward to getting hooded by Professor Dooley. Okay, so I still am not clear on whether or not we’re allowed to choose which faculty member hoods us, but I’m making a beeline for Dooley, and damn it, if I’m “required” to participate in this exercise in academic finality, I think I should at least get to choose who hoods me, yeah?

I found a like-minded soon-to-be-graduate at Barely Legal, at which the author writes of graduation:

Q: Okay fine, but shouldn’t you still go, even if you don’t like it? It’s a milestone if nothing else.
A: What a way to celebrate a milestone. You sit uncomfortably in a gymnasium while the Dean tells you how proud he is, followed by an Appeals Court Judge telling you how proud he is, followed by another Dean telling how proud she is, and then you are herded like cattle to walk across stage and receive a fake diploma to a smattering of applause. Then you sit back down, wait for it to end, throw a hat in the air and take awkward pictures with your family. Is that any way to celebrate a milestone?

Preach on, brotha.

** Edited To Add: In response to Mandy’s comments:

• First and foremost, no disrespect or disappointment intended toward the 3L steering committee. I know you folks have busted your tails this year getting ready for this. It’s my general disinclination to participate in grad ceremonies, not just this one…
• … though, I remain genuinely displeased about the fact that it’s held in a non-air-conditioned facility (making it not just generally uncomfortable, but health-wise bad for my allergy-ridden and asthma-prone family members) and not readily accessible for the grandparents. I think that is short-sighted and irresponsible on the part of the school for not properly equipping the location they like to use for big ceremonies, or in the alternative, not constructing a better and more appropriate venue, if indeed the chapel is impossible to retrofit with appropriate amenities. But I blame that on the school as a larger entity, not on any one person or group in particular.
  
• And don’t worry; I’m not going to try to not attend graduation. My folks are even planning to attend. (Though, I go back to being displeased about the fact I have to make them stand in line to get in, rather than having reserved seats via tickets.)
• And I took the number of folks in the chapel from the administration’s 1/24/06 memo that said the chapel seats 1300 people. Though I can’t say I’d be *shocked* to find out that the administration gave an incorrect number regarding the school (heh–who else knows what I’m sayin’ here?!).
• Again, no disrespect intended to the graduation steering committee. You all have worked hard, done well, and I respect that muy mucho.
• Oh–and I do get to choose to have Dooley hood me? AWESOME.
  

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