Civil Attorneys vs. Criminal Attorneys

The major difference between criminal and civil attorneys* is client expectations.

Civil Client: I need you to draft a new contract agreement by tomorrow morning.
Civil Attorney: Shit. That’s going to take me ALL night.

Criminal Client: I need you to disappear some witnesses and make my completely irrelevant evidence admissible in court.
Criminal Attorney: Yeah.. I can’t do any of that even if you gave me all the time in the world.

* Besides of course, practicing two completely different sets of law.