I started taking yoga classes in college, and I was immediately impressed by the dramatic effect focused attention on the breath had on my body as a whole. Before the poses themselves came to mean much to me, the breath and awareness of it really hit home.

The summer after I began my yoga classes, my family went to an amusement park, and I eagerly rode the roller coasters. Usually I’d throw my arms in the air, squeeze my eyes shut and scream like crazy the whole ride–that was how the adrenaline of the ride moved me. But that summer, I decided I was going to try something different: I was going to keep my eyes open and focus on my breath, just to see what a roller coaster would be like if I was totally aware of every moment of it the whole way through.

Where awareness & the coaster met

So I’m in the seat, and the coaster is making its slow click-click-click trek to the top of the hill. I can feel my pulse quickening and my breath becoming more shallow as we reach the crest of the hill, and I think, “There is no way I’m going to pull off not squeezing my eyes shut and screaming.” Click-click-click…the coaster reached the pinnacle and paused just slightly at the very top, the one brief moment of stillness before hurtling down the steep first hill.

And in that one moment, I did something that made all the difference: I opened my eyes, relaxed my arms and I exhaled deeply.

The coaster tipped forward, and as we careened down the hill, I didn’t squeeze my eyes shut or scream or throw my hands in the air. I breathed, and just took it all in–the speed of the coaster, the metal track twisting around me, the people screaming behind me, the wind blasting my face as we raced forward. It was so vivid, so exhilarating, so incredible. It was unlike any coaster ride I’d been on before, and I was hooked. Riding the other way would never again be enough.

On exiting the ride, I remember running to my family and exclaiming to them how radical this was, and how they just had to try this new technique. They laughed at me babbling about this whole “breathe and stay totally aware” thing–and to their credit, I probably did sound like a babbling fool. But I’ve never ridden a coaster or thrill-ride since then without using that technique: at the crest of the hill, in that most adrenaline-filled pause right before the ride tips forward, open my eyes, relax my arms and exhale.

I swear, it takes the ride to a whole other level.

I’ve been doing business with my eyes shut & screaming wildly

I recently realized that I live a huge portion of my life in fear. Fear of ridicule. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of being mocked. Fear of being wrong. Fear of disappointing someone.

The basis for a huge number of decisions I make? Fear. The reason I stopped posting just when my traffic hit its peak? Fear. The underlying voice that tells me any expansion I make in my business will be wrong? Fear.

Entrepreneurial life is a roller coaster. I’ve been riding it and experiencing the adrenaline rushes, but I’ve also been screaming at the top of my lungs, eyes squeezed shut, hands in the air, aware of only the surface of what’s happening. It’s a bold decision to become an entrepreneur, just like it’s a bold decision to sit down in a metal cart that’s about to hurl you up and down and around a few tons of metal at life-or-death speeds. But I realize I’ve been missing a huge part of the ride, because I’ve let the fear grip me so tightly.

But I want more than that. I want to be aware of every twist the ride takes, of every hill and swooping track around me, of the sounds of my fellow coaster-riders. I want to experience that hyper-vivid, mind-blastingly exhilarating ride.

I want to open my eyes, relax my arms and exhale.

What will the new ride look and feel like?

Hell if I know. I’ve never operated from a place of eyes-open-and-exhale. I always operate from a place of fear. So I don’t know exactly what the entrepreneurial ride will feel like when I open my eyes and exhale deeply at the crest of the hill.

But I can extrapolate from my experience on the coaster.

First, instead of fear, it’s exhilaration. The wave of emotion is just as intense–perhaps even moreso. You don’t lose anything in intensity. The adrenaline still courses through your veins and your palms still sweat. But the experience of that energy isn’t eye-squeezing, scream-rattling fear. Instead, it’s is what I imagine a good drug trip might* feel like: just hyper-real, hyper-vivid, over-the-top magnificent, blissed out, high on wow.

* I say “might” because other than a few brushes with anesthesia or doctor-prescribed post-injury pain medications, drug trips are purely conjectural for me.

Second, while you’re still traveling at breakneck speed, you actually notice every single moment, as if it were happening more slowly. You’re still fully aware that the wind is whipping past you and you’re hurtling through space, but the sensation is more akin to flying than to being pulled along. You’re so present in the moment that you really feel each second and notice how it’s different than the second before, so even while experiencing the speed, you’re fully in the now.

Third, you realize you’re okay. Your body’s coursing with adrenaline, your heart’s racing, you have to consciously remind yourself to breathe… but you realize you’re okay. Even with the thrill of what’s happening, you’re solidly and completely okay. More than okay–you’re great. You’re better than you were when you were standing solidly on the ground.

Fourth, you can do it again. Once that ride is over, you’re ready for the next one in a different way than you were for the first one. Desire replaces fear, confidence creeps in around the edges of uncertainty, and you’re already looking forward to the next crest when that moment of decision presents itself: scream and shut your eyes or exhale and open them wide. You want the chance to make the latter choice all over again.

Click-click-click…

Ideas are percolating and changes are coming, for me personally as well as professionally. Changes always feel like the crests of those hills to me, and I tend to close my eyes and scream. I really want to apply my yogi-cum-coaster-rider experience to this next round of changes. Will I be wholly successful? Probably not. Like any habit, changing from eyes-squeezed-and-screaming to eyes open and exhaling will be a challenge, and will likely entail a few slips backwards with each round of progress.

But I’m going to try. And in an act of Eyes Open and Exhaling, I’m writing about it here for the world (or the few hundred subscribers, at least) to see.

Click-click-click… to the crest we go. I take a deep breath in and…

And what?

I don’t know yet. But I think I’m ready to find out.

If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Giving myself permission
• Victim
• Law school may not “keep your options open”

Gwen Bell has a fantastic “Best of ’09” project happening. Its hub is at her blog, but over 650 bloggers and Twitterers are participating, so it’s definitely far-reaching.

I’ve wanted to participate since its first day (December 1st), but, true to form, I kept putting off my blog-writing. And here we are at December 19th. I’m determined to do all 31 days of this Best Of look-back at 2009, so it’s high time I get started.

Hence why this entry shall be called Ketchup Part I… December 1st through 9th.

December 1: Trip

My best trip of 2009 was my venture out west to Taos, New Mexico. It was remarkable for a number of reasons, one of which is that it marked my first solo excursion of more than just a few hours by car. The destination itself was amazing–I fell in love with the New Mexico landscape and can’t wait to return. But the personal triumph of making the trip, combined with the introspection and soul searching I did while on the journey, put this trip at the #1 spot. (The fact that I made the journey to and did the introspection at a fantabulous location is icing on the cake!)

December 2: Restaurant Moment

Confession: I’m not sure my Best Restaurant Moment actually occurred in 2009. But I remember it as being 2009, so I’m counting it. The entire family–including Grandma–was at CoCo China Buffet. Mums and I were helping Grandma by getting her samplings of various foods from the buffet and bringing them back to her. She was ready for dessert, so I got a variety of desserts for her, including an almond cookie. When I came back, she looked over the array of goodies happily until she saw the cookie. She exclaimed, “An almond cookie?! Why’d you get me an almond cookie? I could get one of those at the store, Rissa.”

I realize this doesn’t translate to how funny it was at the time–it was the way she said it, and her utter indignation at an almond cookie being included with all of the other “fancy” desserts. It was so very Grandma. A hearty laugh at the time, and enduring fond memory now.

December 3: Article

Gwen (yep, same Gwen who created the #best09 challenge) wrote the “How to create your personal manifesto” article. It was not the first time my online path had crossed with Gwen’s, but after reading and re-reading the Manifesto article, it was the first time I started pouring over her archives and developing a serious golly-you’re-awesome admiration. I’ve returned to that article over and over and over again. It inspires and challenges me, but also makes me feel really happy and strong. In other words, it’s good stuff.

December 4: Book

A best-of for yesterday, today, and tomorrow: Fly High (a Little Golden Book). Boils down all sorts of life philosophies into just a few lines and illustrations. The best life rules are the ones that can fit into a children’s storybook and not seem out of place, you know?

December 5: Night Out

Before Alex moved to Virginia, Mums, Daddio, Chaz and I converged at his condo in Bloomington. We didn’t do anything particularly fancy–we had dinner and we hung out. We laughed a lot. We slept on air mattresses and recliners in the barely-furnished condo, the vast majority of the furniture having already been moved out to Virginia. And it was the last time that we all hung out together in that condo, in Bloomington. I was in my happiest environment: surrounded by my family (except for Jilayne who was already in Virginia). I wish we had more nights like that, but I treasure the ones I get!

December 6: Workshop or conference

In July, I attended Jennifer Louden’s Writer’s Retreat in Taos, New Mexico (same trip I mentioned for “Best Trip,” above). I got to meet Jennifer and Havi Brooks, both of whom I’d been working with for some time, and neither of whom I’d gotten to actually meet (or hug!) until that point. In addition to meeting them, I got to meet several other talented, fascinating women, and I got to explore the idea of me as a Writer. It took most of the week to stop thinking of myself as “Assistant to the ladies running the retreat” and start thinking of myself as a participant… hazards of the job, I suppose (my own framing of the event, not their treatment of it or me!). But even that was instructive, and illuminated certain patterns in my life. But it was, for the container and the people and the place and what it meant for me, the most meaningful workshop I attended all year.

December 7: Blog find of the year

Gwen again! This goes hand-in-hand with December 3rd’s answer to “Best Article.” Finding Gwen’s blog was very much a “How did I not know this was out here?!” moment. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it ever since.

December 8: Moment of peace

One of the reasons I’m a devotee of Jennifer Hofmann‘s Office Spa Day is the peace of mind that follows each Spa Day session. In just a couple of hours, I can shift from having a piled, messy desk to having a clear, usable desk space… and shift from anxious and fretful to calm and centered. Those Moments of Peace are little oases in my month, and keep me coming back for more, month after month.

December 9: Challenge

I went from fully-booked to strapped for cash in a period of, oh, about 3 weeks. It was a messy series of happenstance and it scared me. A lot. I wistfully longed for the “security” of a desk job in some big corporatey building (cue laughter from all of the folks who experienced the “security” of those jobs in recent years). I struggled to find good, affordable health insurance, and missed the built-in benefits of those corporatey jobs. I pulled down some incredibly long hours and worked through some incredibly stressful client situations.

In other words, I owned and managed and was the sole employee of my own business for the entire calendar year of 2009. Talk about a challenge.

But anytime I needed a gut check, I (or someone else) would inquire, “Are you happier now? Would you go back to the corporatey world if you could?” And my answers were always “Yes” and “Hell no,” respectively.

The challenge, in this instance, was also the reward. I was a business owner. No safety net, no second income from a roommate or partner, no day job to rescue me if I got scared. It was the most challenging experience of my life. It taught me how resourceful I am, how persistent I can be, how strong I really am, how much support I’ve got from unexpected sources, how resilient I am, and how much I want this. It taught me that challenges come from the stuff I do right, in addition to the mistakes I make. It taught me that I can do this.

I can do this.

That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud: I can do this.

If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Field Trip Time! Guest Post at ProductiveFlourishing.com
• The Last Morning (Or Is It?)
• Disability Insurance: You probably need it, but can you get it?

Inspired by (a) the fact that it’s American Thanksgiving today, (b) Havi Brooks’ brilliant take on The Lentil Game, and (c) my heart’s desire to acknowledge the happy amongst the hard right now, I present a list of 50 people, things, ideas, happenings, etc. for which I’m grateful in big and small ways.

This list is neither exhaustive nor ordered. Exclusion does not indicate a lack of gratitude, but merely acknowledges that I’m working with a self-imposed limit of 50 items.

50 Grateful-Fors, 2009 Edition

1. My folks & bros, my support system and biggest fans: Mums
2. … and Daddio
3. … and Alex
4. … and Chaz
5. my smart, funny, passionate, independent sister-in-law Jilayne, and her family that meshes with ours in such a perfect, how-did-we-not-know-each-other-sooner? kind of way
6. Jennifer Hofmann…
7. … and Charlie Gilkey: You are each equal parts inspiration, mentor, teacher, perspective-giver, super hero… and friend.
8. My clients.
9. Havi, my first client whose idea that I should work with her (and be her Pirate Ship’s First Mate) quite literally changed my life and opened the door to what became Can-Do-Ology.
10. Grandma.
11. Rosco: My dog and esteemed Vice-President of Creative Napping
12. Ernie: My dog and esteemed Vice-President of Customer Relations
13. iPods
14. peanut butter
15. Sharpie pens
16. my iMac
17. road trips to Bloomington and to northern Virginia
18. the incredibly low cost of living in Ossian, where I can own a beautiful house for a lower monthly payment than many folks have to pay in rent
19. Rock Band/Guitar Hero (and a brother willing to share his xbox with his sister despite her obsession with a song he can no longer stand)
20. Music! I love music.
21. The colors pink and chocolate brown. They make me happy.
22. my trampoline
23. Taos, New Mexico, and Jen Louden‘s Writer’s Retreat
24. Lisa Updike, a friend from my lawyer days who’s never made me feel foolish for my career choices & has already spoken for the position of Can-Do-Ology’s counsel when I “hit it big”
25. spiced apple rings
26. Daddio’s sugar corn
27. working from home…
28. …and never using an alarm clock
29. Twitter
30. Goddess Leonie: She can brighten a room from half a world away.
31. Ossian’s police chief Dave Rigney: he’s a great police chief as well as a great family friend.
32. Allie Towers Rice, who took my website from “meh” to “marvelous”
33. Facebook
34. frozen meals that are actually really tasty and not chock full of chemicals and crap
35. TiVo
36. Let It Be: a favorite song & a beautiful mantra
37. Women Who Rock (& Inspire The Hell Outta Me): Gwen Bell
38. … and Colleen Wainwright
39. … and Naomi Dunford
40. … and Danielle LaPorte
41. … and Pam Slim
42. Mums’ embroidery business
43. office supply stores (new notebooks and pens are instant motivators and inspiration-inducers)
44. Gala Darling’s “Things I Love Thursday” series
45. Abundia and the women who make it such an incredible group
46. Emusic
47. morning coffee
48. online shopping
49. the Roo Blue Subaroo & its impeccable and no-repairs-needed performance (knock on wood!!)
50. only needing to fill up the car every six to eight weeks because my morning commute is a 12-second walk from bed to desk
Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Alex & Jilayne save the world
• You’re Just Getting Straw, and She’s Getting Heavy-Duty Dung
• Christmas In Ossian
]]> http://marissabracke.com/the-grateful-fors-2009/feed 3 http://marissabracke.com/goodbye-grandma http://marissabracke.com/goodbye-grandma#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:31:38 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/?p=1031
51. Grandma & Rissa’s Matching Britches
52. Things From Home I Miss
53. Ode To Days Gone By
]]>

Dear Grandma,

You got comfy in your recliner yesterday afternoon. Snuggled up with your blanket, in that soft pink and white striped top you loved, with a kleenex or two tucked up in your sleeve. “I’m just really, really tired,” you said as you reclined in your favorite chair.

And just a few minutes after falling asleep, you were gone.

Ever since your sister Toodo passed away in her sleep, you’ve said you hoped you’d be as lucky, to just fall asleep and sleep away. You didn’t want to struggle or linger, you said.

You always knew how to get your way. I’m glad you did this time, too.

I saw you for what would be the last time on Saturday. You were in that same recliner, and you teased Mums, Dad and me about “loafing the day away.” And then you laughed, and said that you did “nothin’ but loaf every day,” and then we all laughed.



On my way out of the room, I leaned over your recliner and kissed you on the cheek and gave you a hug. “I love you, Rissa,” you said. “I love you too,” I said. “I’ll see you later.” And just as I was leaving–just a minute after you’d teased us about loafing all day–you said, “Now don’t work too hard!” and we laughed again.

It was our usual farewell routine. It was light and happy and loving.

I’m really, really glad that was how we parted that last time. But I’m really, really sad we won’t do that again.

I could say something about this…

Grandma, you were never at a loss for words. I think that’s where I get it.

Our weekly family get-togethers were never complete until we had a couple of great Grandma quotes to add to our memory banks. Whether you were just getting started (“I could say something about this… and I will.”), keeping your son-in-laws in line (“There’s a million ways to kill your son-in-law, but you really only need one.”), or demonstrating your modesty (“I’m the only one around here who’s got any sense!”), you were witty to the end.

You loved to chat with your grandkids, even though you insisted you didn’t understand half of what we talked about “because of all of that computer business.” And you got the giggles about silly things–when I went to Taos, New Mexico, you kept giggling because you thought the word “Taos” was inexplicably funny. And you loved to ask me about “that Twitter stuff,” but you got the giggles every time I said that someone “Tweeted” to you or called someone a “Tweep.”

The fact that you knew Twitter and Tweeted and Tweep… well, just goes to show you did better keeping up with “all of that computer business” than you gave yourself credit for.



The Foam of Knowledge

You proudly declared that the reason I was smart was because I got the Foam of Knowledge that overflowed from you.

I completely agree.

From the first day you said that, that was our joke. You’d tell me I was smart. I’d tell you it was because of the Foam of Knowledge. You’d tell me I better not forget that. And we’d laugh.

You always asked me about my work, even though you said you didn’t really understand what the heck I was doing now. But you were proud of me. And you believed in me so completely… even when I didn’t believe I could do it, you did.

“You’ve got the smarts for it, kid,” you said. “If anyone can do it, it’s you.”

One day, out of the blue, you called me to tell me how proud you were of me. How much it meant to you that I visited you and chatted with you and “liked spending time with an old lady.” And I told you I never thought of you as an “old lady,” and you just said, “Oh, Rissa,” and giggled. We talked for only a few minutes that day, but it was one of the best phone calls of my life.

Oh, Grandma. I miss you so much.



Gratitude & Memorials

In the past 24 hours, I’ve received an outpouring of support on Twitter, on Facebook, and in my email inbox. It means the world to me that so many of you are taking time out of your day to let me know you’re thinking of me and my family. Thank you..

A few folks have asked what they can do. Grandma had requested that when she died, people remember her through donations to our local animal shelter. If it feels right to you do so, you can make a memorial donation to the Bluffton Animal Shelter, 1613 West Cherry Street, Bluffton, IN 46714, in memory of Larraine Humbracht.

Other things you can do that I know Grandma would love:

• Eat a piece of really good chocolate.
• Laugh.
• Play Pinochle with friends and family, and insist it’s your partners’ fault if your team loses.
• Reminisce about your childhood, emphasizing the funny stuff.
• Hug someone you love. Just because.
• Giggle over something silly. And then giggle because you’re giggling.
• Have a piece of cake. For breakfast.
• Call someone out of the blue and remind them that you love them.

Larraine Humbracht
1924 – 2009



Goodbye, Grandma. My heart is full with all the love you shared with me, the memories, and laughs… and it aches that you’re gone.

By the way, I’m proud of you too.

Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Grandma & Rissa’s Matching Britches
• Things From Home I Miss
• Ode To Days Gone By
]]> http://marissabracke.com/goodbye-grandma/feed 25 http://marissabracke.com/another-office-spa-day-success-story http://marissabracke.com/another-office-spa-day-success-story#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:25:31 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/?p=925
54. A Friday Menagerie
55. Ketchup: The Best of 2009, December 1st through 9th
56. [No Title]
]]>

Jen Hofmann’s Office Spa Day is always an adventure and a welcome break from my routine, not just because I get to interact with Jen and several other really fantastic folks, but because my beloved office area gets some much-needed care and attention.

I rave to friends and family about how much I get done each time I participate in Spa Day — today I took photos. As the Before photos demonstrate, my office was pleading for Spa Day compassion and rescue!

Just for reference: this transformation happened in just about 80 minutes!

Here’s my Coffee Table, which sits near my desks




My Computer Desk:




My Computer Desk Area:




My Writers Desk:




Sure, I could work on my office space outside of Spa Day. But truth is? I don’t. There is something about the way that Jen structures Office Spa Day that makes it… well, more than a decluttering session. She makes it a gentle and compassionate, humorous and accepting, journey through your space, your stuff, and yourself. I don’t get that on my own. Hence why I’m an Office Spa Day Addict!

I cannot encourage you enough to check out Jen’s website: Inspired Home Office. She’s got a blog where she offers up incredibly useful and relatable posts, and she’s got several products & services, all of which I recommend highly and without reservation.

Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• A Friday Menagerie
• Ketchup: The Best of 2009, December 1st through 9th
• [No Title]
]]> http://marissabracke.com/another-office-spa-day-success-story/feed 3 http://marissabracke.com/well-wishes-for-chaz http://marissabracke.com/well-wishes-for-chaz#comments Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:41:40 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/?p=864
57. Dinner Party: August 12, 2006
58. Rosco’s Big Day
59. Congrats Chaz, Part II: The Photos
]]>

My brother Chaz had a rollerblading accident on Friday, and wound up with two badly broken wrists. He’s had surgery on his right wrist (and is the proud owner of a metal plate and some pins and some wires in that arm now, sure to set off metal detectors wherever he roams), and the left wrist will be put in a cast sometime in the next couple of weeks. He’s currently recovering at home and is in really good spirits.

We’ve received a plethora of well-wishes from folks far and near, many via Twitter and Facebook. I can’t tell you how much we all appreciate the kind words and support (and the many wishes for fast healing!). Suffice to say… big, big THANKS to everyone for sending your thoughts and good energies.

If the text in the images seems blurry, just click on the image to see a higher-resolution version of the image, which will open in a new window or tab.

The fellow referring to cocoa and coffee (above) is speaking about something else entirely, though I’m sure Chaz would think references to cocoa and coffee were pretty swell too.

















Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Dinner Party: August 12, 2006
• Rosco’s Big Day
• Congrats Chaz, Part II: The Photos
]]> http://marissabracke.com/well-wishes-for-chaz/feed 0 http://marissabracke.com/how-a-lawyer-becomes-a-can-do-ologist http://marissabracke.com/how-a-lawyer-becomes-a-can-do-ologist#comments Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:58:44 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/?p=811
60. Quote it! The lawyer high
61. Work and Friends, Friends at Work?
62. You’re Just Getting Straw, and She’s Getting Heavy-Duty Dung
]]>

From lawyer to VA: a more logical switch than what you might think.

I used to be a lawyer. Then I became a Can-Do-Ologist (kind of a Virtual Assistant, or VA). And somewhere in between there, I made a shift that made a lot of people say, “What the… ?”

Because “lawyer” is kind of an end-game term. You don’t get to Lawyer on the way to being a VA. It’s not like waiting tables until you get your big acting break. You don’t typically decide you’re going to handle legal issues at one of the nation’s big law firms until you set up shop online and start doing VA tasks.

But that’s how it worked out. Or, rather, that’s the short version of what happened–the “how” is a little more complicated. And I get the same 5 questions about this a lot, so this is my attempt to answer them.

Q1. Didn’t you like being a lawyer? Did you hate the law firm you worked at?

Answer: I loved it, and no.

I loved the work I did as an attorney. Loved the research, the analysis, the problem solving, the taking all of the different pieces of fact and precedent and human nature and putting it all together in a memo or a pleading or a conversation with another attorney.

I didn’t hate the law firm I worked for at all; in fact, the firm was pretty great. The people were awesome, my secretary was divine, the salary was huge, the work was challenging.

Q2. So why did you leave?

Answer: Because I wasn’t happy there.

I know–sounds like a contradiction given all the glowing things I said above, right?

I loved the work, loved the people, loved the challenges… but I hated the office politics. I hated the hierarchy and the rules of the game of what to say to whom and who to have lunch with and whose name I should never mention online even if it was in a glowing fashion and who thought women should really wear high heels even if it killed their feet and who would judge me based on my suits and … oy.

I hated having to constantly try so hard to be a certain version of Marissa, rather than being able to just be me. I hated having to wake up every morning and put on my I’m-a-lawyer suit (and I mean that literally and metaphorically) because it didn’t freaking fit.

I wasn’t good at office politics and the hierarchy game. And my colleagues kept reassuring me that I’d get better at it. Before I knew it, it would be second nature to me. But what I realized very quickly is that I didn’t want to learn that game. I didn’t want to get good at office politics. I didn’t want it to become second nature to be this partial-version-Marissa everyday.

But that’s the tradeoff that comes with all that other good stuff–the awesome work, the high salary, the big clients, the challenging cases. In exchange for that, you’ve gotta play the game. (And it’s not just the firm I worked at–it’s all big firms and corporations. All of ‘em. To different extents and in different ways… but still. All of ‘em.)

The tradeoff wasn’t worth it to me. So I left.

Q3. Was it worth it?

Answer: God(dess) YES.

I wake up every day and “go to work” (my 22-second commute from bed to office!) without having the pressure of dressing “right.” Without the pressure of saying the right thing to the right person, and avoiding saying the seemingly-innocuous-but-really-wrong-thing to the wrong person. Without the stress of “this is strictly need to know and you don’t need to know” policies and closed-door conversations. Ugh. Makes my stomach flip just thinking about it.

I have so much more vibrancy and energy each day, because I’m not expending so much of it trying: trying to be who I’m expected to be, trying to network in the way I’m supposed to network, trying to fit in with my colleagues in the way I’m supposed to fit in. I don’t have that anymore.

Instead, I have the ability to work with people who get me, and I get them. People who think, “Hey, I want to work with her!” when they hear my talk about my dogs being my Vice Presidents, rather than people who think, “Gosh, I hope she never talks like that in front of potential clients; how embarrassing.” People who couldn’t care less whether I’m wearing high heels, tennis shoes, or no shoes at all, so long as I’m rockin’ the work I do for them. People who I meet on Twitter, or a forum, or over a random email exchange, and become friends, clients, and referral sources… all without ever using the word “networking” (or even any “networking strategies”… ugh. Stomach flip-flopping again).

In other words, I went from trying to be someone else’s “right person” to surrounding myself with my “right people.” What. A. Difference.

Q4. If you loved being a lawyer so much, why are you now a VA?

Answer: I think you’d be surprised at how much cross-over exists between what I loved about lawyering and what I do now as a Can-Do-Ologist.

As an attorney, you’re presented with an issue (or, more likely, a whole series of issues). You have to sort through to find the pertinent facts, the most pressing concerns, the biggest threats or weaknesses, and how to leverage potential strengths. You’ve got to research your options, analyze how you might implement them, and collaborate with others who can help you along the way. Your goal is a positive solution for your client, a satisfactory conclusion to their issue or concern–sometimes that means they want to make some money, sometimes it means they want things done differently at their place of business.

As a Can-Do-Ologist (virtual assistant), you’re presented with an issue or a series of issues or concerns or goals. You have to sort through those issues and goals, identifying the priorities, feeling out the potential weak spots or pitfalls, researching possible strengths or ways to strengthen the weak spots, coming up with creative and unique ways of leveraging the strengths, and analyzing all of the information in front of you to determine the best, most efficient way to help the client reach the resolution he or she wants. Sometimes it’s to make more money. Sometimes it’s to have things run differently in their business.

Sound familiar?

Q5. Give me the summary. Why did you go from lawyer to VA?

Answer: Because I got to have my cake and eat it too, baby.

I got to keep all of the really wonderful stuff I loved about practicing law: the challenging work, the research and analysis, the collaborative conversations with colleagues that knock my socks off, meeting new people, learning new things on a daily–often hourly–basis.

And I got to shed the stuff that was weighing me down and sapping my energy: the office politics, the hierarchy games, the endless trying to be the right version of myself, the ick-tastic “networking opportunities” (shudder).

Also? I get to work in blue jeans or yoga pants every single day. And I get to take fetch breaks with my dogs, lunch breaks with my grandparents, and Twitter breaks whenever I want. My salary is a fraction of what it was and yet I have more extra cash at the end of each month than I did when I was banking six figures at the law firm (yes, really!).

I got to keep all the good stuff, shed the not-so-good stuff, and create a whole world of new good stuff.

And when I look at like that, the question isn’t “Why did I leave being a lawyer to become a Can-Do-Ologist”… the question is, “How did I not see this sooner?” (Which is, by the way, a topic for another post on another day.)

Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Quote it! The lawyer high
• Work and Friends, Friends at Work?
• You’re Just Getting Straw, and She’s Getting Heavy-Duty Dung
]]> http://marissabracke.com/how-a-lawyer-becomes-a-can-do-ologist/feed 10 http://marissabracke.com/totally-true-fairy-tales-1-happy-birthday-havi http://marissabracke.com/totally-true-fairy-tales-1-happy-birthday-havi#comments Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:23:19 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/totally-true-fairy-tales-1-happy-birthday-havi
63. Happy Birthday, Lucy!
64. Happy Trip-Around-The-Sun Day, Mums!
65. My TA Students Are Cooler Than Your TA Students
]]>



Once upon a time…

there lived a woman named Marissa who did some internet stuff and some assistant stuff and a whole lot of websurfing and blog-reading stuff.

One day, in and amongst her usual websurf locations, she happened upon a blog called The Fluent Self.

And it wasn’t what she expected, even though she didn’t expect anything, really, because she’d never heard of it before right then.

But it was goofy. And it was real. And it talked about wacky yoga brain training alongside ducks as business partners alongside nonviolent communication alongside why you don’t actually have to conquer your fears.

And Marissa was hooked.

This shining oasis of wacky, wonderful, totally-get-it-ness was created by a woman named Havi. Who has a duck named Selma. A small, rubber duck, with her own personality and fanbase.

Marissa couldn’t get to the “Compose Email” button fast enough. And once she hit that button, she professed to Havi that she was a “googly-eyed fangurl” for her writing. And her duck. And, just, her.

And Havi wrote back and said the email was awesome, and that someone should really hire Marissa to write emails and send out that awesomeness to the universe.

And Marissa thought, “Golly, that would be really cool.”

Golly, this is really cool.

Then one day, Marissa opened an email from this fabulous woman named Havi and the email asked Marissa what she thought about possibly working together. Working with Havi. And Selma.

And Marissa closed her email, then reopened it, just to make sure the email was still there. That it was real.

Because what Havi couldn’t possibly have known–nor Selma either, for that matter–was that Marissa had a list of “People I Dream of Working With” taped next to her computer desk. And at the top of that list was the name, “Havi (and Selma the duck).”

With a speed and certainty that only a certain joy and happy-dancing-squeeing-enthusiasm can inspire, Marissa wrote back to Havi to tell her that she welcomed this opportunity to work with her with open arms.

Gifts from the Birthday Girl

In the relatively brief time that this woman named Marissa has worked with this woman named Havi and Havi’s irrepressible duck named Selma, Marissa has learned a great deal from Havi, and from the folks Marissa gets to chat with while working with Havi. There have been laughs. There has been an understanding and empathetic ear for business queries and concerns. There has been a helping hand and totally wise but totally real-person, down-to-earth advice for personal queries and concerns.

There have been doors opened to this woman named Marissa that Marissa would perhaps never have even passed by, had it not been for her opportunity to work with this woman named Havi (and that unmistakeable duck named Selma).

It’s Hallmark-level cheesy, but it is also a fact… that one email from Havi to Marissa changed Marissa’s life in a very bright and wonderful way.

Gift to the Birthday Girl

On this very day in this very land there is much celebration, for it is Havi’s birthday.

And Marissa wanted very much to find a gift for Havi that expressed how much she appreciates her– appreciates her writing, appreciates her spirit, appreciates her humor and her duck business partner, appreciates the unfathomably awesome circle of folks that hang out with her, appreciates her help and her friendship and her mentorship and her advice on everything from blogging to TV-less-ness to why Mount Hood is probably just a figment of everyone’s imagination.

But no gift seemed to adequately bundle all of that up.

So Marissa sat down at her trusty keyboard and just decided to write about how much she values Havi. Values her as a blogger, as a writer, as a friend, as a business mentor, as a personal supporter, as an inspiration. And as someone who thought it was completely normal that Marissa’s dogs happened to be her business’s vice-presidents.

And after Marissa wrote all of this, she wrapped it carefully in giftwrap made of gratitude, tied a really pretty bow around it in the form of a big hug, and sent it out to Havi via that great communication-carrier we know as the Internetednessdom.

And the little tag on that imaginary box read simply, “Dear Havi, Thank you. May your birthday be happy, and may your year bring you threefold the blessings you’ve given to me.“

~~~The End~~~

Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Happy Birthday, Lucy!
• Happy Trip-Around-The-Sun Day, Mums!
• My TA Students Are Cooler Than Your TA Students
]]> http://marissabracke.com/totally-true-fairy-tales-1-happy-birthday-havi/feed 17 http://marissabracke.com/happy-birthday-card-to-mums http://marissabracke.com/happy-birthday-card-to-mums#comments Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:51:00 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/happy-birthday-card-to-mums
66. Totally True Fairy Tales #1: Happy Birthday, Havi
67. Happy Birthday, Lucy!
68. Happy Trip-Around-The-Sun Day, Mums!
]]>
Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Totally True Fairy Tales #1: Happy Birthday, Havi
• Happy Birthday, Lucy!
• Happy Trip-Around-The-Sun Day, Mums!
]]> http://marissabracke.com/happy-birthday-card-to-mums/feed 0 http://marissabracke.com/abundance-heart-and-why-ncis-will-premiere-in-my-den-tonight http://marissabracke.com/abundance-heart-and-why-ncis-will-premiere-in-my-den-tonight#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:34:37 +0000 Marissa http://marissabracke.com/abundance-heart-and-why-ncis-will-premiere-in-my-den-tonight
69. Your Life’s Theme Song
70. Home Is Where the Heart Is
71. The House, Post Marissafication
]]>

I wanted to have my theme words set for ’09 prior to ’09 actually arriving, but that didn’t happen. But I did get ‘em solidified by Day 2 of ’09, so that’s still doing just fine, I think.

Theme Words for 2009…(drumroll, please!)

They are Abundance + Heart.



Photo by Incurable Hippie

I want to focus on seeing, finding, and sharing abundance in all facets of my world. And I am going to very consciously tune in to my Heart Center, and allow myself the time and space to speak from it, relate from it, own what I find within it, and respond to people and situations with it as my compass.

I’ve seen magic occurring since I’ve started doing that. Not always magic that immediately comes in the form of comfort or “easiness,” but magic all the same. And I want to make more of that magic. Seek it, create it, and share it like crazy. (And we’re back to abundance!!)

The Runners-Up

I’d played around with Growth, Expansion, and similar words, but I realized that my urge to use words like that came from a place of scarcity–I must grow my business or else I won’t have enough money / find enough clients / etc. So I decided to choose Abundance, and explore the ways in which trusting in the plentifulness and leading with the heart center would offer up the business goals I seek when I think of “Growth” but without tying it to my longer-held notions of growth vs. lacking.

I’m flippin’ the script, as the youngin’s say.

Mini resolutions / intentions for me in ’09

1. Continue using my semi-made up words freely, as people seem to enjoy them, “get” them, and don’t at all judge me for them the way I used to imagine they would. Plus, semi-made-up words bring me disproportionate amounts of joy, and embodies a lot of the “Be Marissa” and “Playfulness” traits I’m intending to honor as well. Examples: epiphanettes, googly-eyed-fangurlism, technogremlins, Can-Do-Ology.
2. Allow the TV to take a conscious place in my life, and allow myself conscious enjoyment of it.

   

   Photo McGee & Abbs of NCIS (c) CBS

   I’m moving it (today, actually) from my main living room into the room currently labeled “Den.” And one of my favorite old desks from “Den” will come out to take the TV’s place, along with my iTower so I can fill my living space with music, rather than constant television. Constant tv actually overstimulates me. Makes it hard for me to go to sleep at bedtime. Makes me feel restless. Makes me actually feel more isolated, in an odd way. I will allow myself to watch the shows I truly loooove and look forward to (Psych! CSI! NCIS! House!), but I’ll have to intentionally go to the other room to do so, and I won’t be tempted to be computering / dishwashering / etc. at the same time. This leads to…

3. Focused multi-tasking. I’m not going to fool myself into believing that I’ll be unitasking anytime soon. (Blasphemy! See also: Nigh impossible!) But I’m going to be aware of the multi’s that I task, rather than using them by default. E.g., the TV is here, so I’ll have it on while I work, even though it makes me restless, overstimulated, and I actually miss a lot of the great programs I want to see. Instead, I’ll have music on while I work, or the blinds open to the common area out back while I work, or enjoy a steaming hot cup of cocoa while I watch the newest NCIS, or comb Rosco’s perpetually shedding but super soft coat while I catch up on Frasier reruns.
4. Grok the clocks. I resonate strongly with the idea of natural time, or slow time, or internal time, etc. And I fight that, because I’m “supposed to” have a schedule. I’m “supposed to” do things at certain times. Ah, the “supposed to” nonsense. The reality is that I internally have ebbs and flows and peaks and valleys and huger times and wakeful times and totally unproductive times, and they don’t really give a whip about what the numbers on a clock have to say about it. So instead of trying so hard to force Me into conforming with The Clocks, I’m allowing myself space to let The Clocks be a part of Me. With reminders in place for appointments and meetings and such, of course, because I want to be accepting and natural, not late and disrespectful. LOL
   

   (Relate to this? Check out School of the Seasons by the amazingly insightful Waverly Fitzgerald, and consider buying her book Slow Time–which is awesome.)

5. Grazie Mornings. Begin each day by sitting up and immediately saying the first 5 things that come to my mind for which I’m thankful for… before even setting foot on the floor or removing the covers. Make gratitude the absolute first conscious act of my day, every day, for a year. Doesn’t that sound like magic in the making all by itself?

What are your intentions, hopes, goals, wishes, or thoughts for 2009?

Share and Enjoy:



If you liked this post, you might also dig:

• Your Life’s Theme Song
• Home Is Where the Heart Is
• The House, Post Marissafication
]]> http://marissabracke.com/abundance-heart-and-why-ncis-will-premiere-in-my-den-tonight/feed 4