That's funtastic!

27% of hiring managers are skeptical of those super, really, extra true and valid reasons you give for showing up to work late. And they ought to be–because 24% of you are making up crap instead of telling the real reason behind your running-behindedness. (I hope you’re appropriately ashamed.)

I got this little trivia tidbit from CNN’s article about employees who run late to work. The author offers ten excuses, purportedly actually used by employees somewhere, that are definite gems.

• Take, for instance, this common occurrence: “While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.” If I had a nickel…
• Or one that I consider completely valid: “The line was too long at Starbucks.” A boss who doesn’t understand the necessity of Starbucks is not a boss for whom I want to work, I’ll tell you that much.
• And who doesn’t have this happen at least once a week? “I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.” Indeed, friend.

Here are some other Late To Work excuses I highly recommend using, while simultaneously throwing off all responsibility for the consequences of so doing:

1. I had to set the Tivo for tonight’s episode of The Office. That Michael Scott… well, he has the same coffee mug you do, did you know that?
2. My dog threw up on my shoes. Twice.
3. I had to watch last night’s episode of Dancing with the Stars, so I’d be able to keep up with everyone else’s IMs about Cloris’s cleavage.
4. I decided to meditate before work, and I wound up falling asleep. But I’m pretty sure I’m totally centered now.
5. I had chili last night. Trust me, you didn’t want me in here for the past hour.
6. My GPS wasn’t working, and I had to figure out how to get to work using a paper map. And then I couldn’t get it folded again.
7. I would’ve been in here, like, 20 minutes ago, but I was looking up excuses for being late on my Blackberry in the parking garage.
8. I hate this job, and I’d rather be anywhere in the world but here, so getting myself to just show up was challenge enough… being on time is out of the question.
9. Bodies take a long time to bury when the ground is frozen. [Most effective when followed by an uncomfortable chuckle and then quickly scurrying to the restroom to wash off dirt-covered hands.]

What are some of the best “Oops, I’m late” excuses you’ve heard used? And were they effective? And what about you–are you one of the miserable 24% of chaps making up stories about their tardiness? (As if only 24% of you are doing that.)

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