From the category archives:

Behind The Monitor

Gwen Bell has a fantastic “Best of ‘09” project happening. Its hub is at her blog, but over 650 bloggers and Twitterers are participating, so it’s definitely far-reaching.

I’ve wanted to participate since its first day (December 1st), but, true to form, I kept putting off my blog-writing. And here we are at December 19th. I’m determined to do all 31 days of this Best Of look-back at 2009, so it’s high time I get started.

Hence why this entry shall be called Ketchup Part I… December 1st through 9th.

December 1: Trip

My best trip of 2009 was my venture out west to Taos, New Mexico. It was remarkable for a number of reasons, one of which is that it marked my first solo excursion of more than just a few hours by car. The destination itself was amazing–I fell in love with the New Mexico landscape and can’t wait to return. But the personal triumph of making the trip, combined with the introspection and soul searching I did while on the journey, put this trip at the #1 spot. (The fact that I made the journey to and did the introspection at a fantabulous location is icing on the cake!)

December 2: Restaurant Moment

Confession: I’m not sure my Best Restaurant Moment actually occurred in 2009. But I remember it as being 2009, so I’m counting it. The entire family–including Grandma–was at CoCo China Buffet. Mums and I were helping Grandma by getting her samplings of various foods from the buffet and bringing them back to her. She was ready for dessert, so I got a variety of desserts for her, including an almond cookie. When I came back, she looked over the array of goodies happily until she saw the cookie. She exclaimed, “An almond cookie?! Why’d you get me an almond cookie? I could get one of those at the store, Rissa.”

I realize this doesn’t translate to how funny it was at the time–it was the way she said it, and her utter indignation at an almond cookie being included with all of the other “fancy” desserts. It was so very Grandma. A hearty laugh at the time, and enduring fond memory now.

December 3: Article

Gwen (yep, same Gwen who created the #best09 challenge) wrote the “How to create your personal manifesto” article. It was not the first time my online path had crossed with Gwen’s, but after reading and re-reading the Manifesto article, it was the first time I started pouring over her archives and developing a serious golly-you’re-awesome admiration. I’ve returned to that article over and over and over again. It inspires and challenges me, but also makes me feel really happy and strong. In other words, it’s good stuff.

December 4: Book

A best-of for yesterday, today, and tomorrow: Fly High (a Little Golden Book). Boils down all sorts of life philosophies into just a few lines and illustrations. The best life rules are the ones that can fit into a children’s storybook and not seem out of place, you know?

December 5: Night Out

Before Alex moved to Virginia, Mums, Daddio, Chaz and I converged at his condo in Bloomington. We didn’t do anything particularly fancy–we had dinner and we hung out. We laughed a lot. We slept on air mattresses and recliners in the barely-furnished condo, the vast majority of the furniture having already been moved out to Virginia. And it was the last time that we all hung out together in that condo, in Bloomington. I was in my happiest environment: surrounded by my family (except for Jilayne who was already in Virginia). I wish we had more nights like that, but I treasure the ones I get!

December 6: Workshop or conference

In July, I attended Jennifer Louden’s Writer’s Retreat in Taos, New Mexico (same trip I mentioned for “Best Trip,” above). I got to meet Jennifer and Havi Brooks, both of whom I’d been working with for some time, and neither of whom I’d gotten to actually meet (or hug!) until that point. In addition to meeting them, I got to meet several other talented, fascinating women, and I got to explore the idea of me as a Writer. It took most of the week to stop thinking of myself as “Assistant to the ladies running the retreat” and start thinking of myself as a participant… hazards of the job, I suppose (my own framing of the event, not their treatment of it or me!). But even that was instructive, and illuminated certain patterns in my life. But it was, for the container and the people and the place and what it meant for me, the most meaningful workshop I attended all year.

December 7: Blog find of the year

Gwen again! This goes hand-in-hand with December 3rd’s answer to “Best Article.” Finding Gwen’s blog was very much a “How did I not know this was out here?!” moment. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it ever since.

December 8: Moment of peace

One of the reasons I’m a devotee of Jennifer Hofmann’s Office Spa Day is the peace of mind that follows each Spa Day session. In just a couple of hours, I can shift from having a piled, messy desk to having a clear, usable desk space… and shift from anxious and fretful to calm and centered. Those Moments of Peace are little oases in my month, and keep me coming back for more, month after month.

December 9: Challenge

I went from fully-booked to strapped for cash in a period of, oh, about 3 weeks. It was a messy series of happenstance and it scared me. A lot. I wistfully longed for the “security” of a desk job in some big corporatey building (cue laughter from all of the folks who experienced the “security” of those jobs in recent years). I struggled to find good, affordable health insurance, and missed the built-in benefits of those corporatey jobs. I pulled down some incredibly long hours and worked through some incredibly stressful client situations.

In other words, I owned and managed and was the sole employee of my own business for the entire calendar year of 2009. Talk about a challenge.

But anytime I needed a gut check, I (or someone else) would inquire, “Are you happier now? Would you go back to the corporatey world if you could?” And my answers were always “Yes” and “Hell no,” respectively.

The challenge, in this instance, was also the reward. I was a business owner. No safety net, no second income from a roommate or partner, no day job to rescue me if I got scared. It was the most challenging experience of my life. It taught me how resourceful I am, how persistent I can be, how strong I really am, how much support I’ve got from unexpected sources, how resilient I am, and how much I want this. It taught me that challenges come from the stuff I do right, in addition to the mistakes I make. It taught me that I can do this.

I can do this.

That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud: I can do this.

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Inspired by (a) the fact that it’s American Thanksgiving today, (b) Havi Brooks’ brilliant take on The Lentil Game, and (c) my heart’s desire to acknowledge the happy amongst the hard right now, I present a list of 50 people, things, ideas, happenings, etc. for which I’m grateful in big and small ways.

This list is neither exhaustive nor ordered. Exclusion does not indicate a lack of gratitude, but merely acknowledges that I’m working with a self-imposed limit of 50 items.

50 Grateful-Fors, 2009 Edition

  1. My folks & bros, my support system and biggest fans: Mums
  2. … and Daddio
  3. … and Alex
  4. … and Chaz
  5. my smart, funny, passionate, independent sister-in-law Jilayne, and her family that meshes with ours in such a perfect, how-did-we-not-know-each-other-sooner? kind of way
  6. Jennifer Hofmann
  7. … and Charlie Gilkey: You are each equal parts inspiration, mentor, teacher, perspective-giver, super hero… and friend.
  8. My clients.
  9. Havi, my first client whose idea that I should work with her (and be her Pirate Ship’s First Mate) quite literally changed my life and opened the door to what became Can-Do-Ology.
  10. Grandma.
  11. Rosco: My dog and esteemed Vice-President of Creative Napping
  12. Ernie: My dog and esteemed Vice-President of Customer Relations
  13. iPods
  14. peanut butter
  15. Sharpie pens
  16. my iMac
  17. road trips to Bloomington and to northern Virginia
  18. the incredibly low cost of living in Ossian, where I can own a beautiful house for a lower monthly payment than many folks have to pay in rent
  19. Rock Band/Guitar Hero (and a brother willing to share his xbox with his sister despite her obsession with a song he can no longer stand)
  20. Music! I love music.
  21. The colors pink and chocolate brown. They make me happy.
  22. my trampoline
  23. Taos, New Mexico, and Jen Louden’s Writer’s Retreat
  24. Lisa Updike, a friend from my lawyer days who’s never made me feel foolish for my career choices & has already spoken for the position of Can-Do-Ology’s counsel when I “hit it big”
  25. spiced apple rings
  26. Daddio’s sugar corn
  27. working from home…
  28. …and never using an alarm clock
  29. Twitter
  30. Goddess Leonie: She can brighten a room from half a world away.
  31. Ossian’s police chief Dave Rigney: he’s a great police chief as well as a great family friend.
  32. Allie Towers Rice, who took my website from “meh” to “marvelous”
  33. Facebook
  34. frozen meals that are actually really tasty and not chock full of chemicals and crap
  35. TiVo
  36. Let It Be: a favorite song & a beautiful mantra
  37. Women Who Rock (& Inspire The Hell Outta Me): Gwen Bell
  38. … and Colleen Wainwright
  39. … and Naomi Dunford
  40. … and Danielle LaPorte
  41. … and Pam Slim
  42. Mums’ embroidery business
  43. office supply stores (new notebooks and pens are instant motivators and inspiration-inducers)
  44. Gala Darling’s “Things I Love Thursday” series
  45. Abundia and the women who make it such an incredible group
  46. Emusic
  47. morning coffee
  48. online shopping
  49. the Roo Blue Subaroo & its impeccable and no-repairs-needed performance (knock on wood!!)
  50. only needing to fill up the car every six to eight weeks because my morning commute is a 12-second walk from bed to desk
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Goodbye, Grandma

by Marissa on 19 November 2009

in Behind The Monitor

Dear Grandma,

You got comfy in your recliner yesterday afternoon. Snuggled up with your blanket, in that soft pink and white striped top you loved, with a kleenex or two tucked up in your sleeve. “I’m just really, really tired,” you said as you reclined in your favorite chair.

And just a few minutes after falling asleep, you were gone.

Ever since your sister Toodo passed away in her sleep, you’ve said you hoped you’d be as lucky, to just fall asleep and sleep away. You didn’t want to struggle or linger, you said.

You always knew how to get your way. I’m glad you did this time, too.

I saw you for what would be the last time on Saturday. You were in that same recliner, and you teased Mums, Dad and me about “loafing the day away.” And then you laughed, and said that you did “nothin’ but loaf every day,” and then we all laughed.

On my way out of the room, I leaned over your recliner and kissed you on the cheek and gave you a hug. “I love you, Rissa,” you said. “I love you too,” I said. “I’ll see you later.” And just as I was leaving–just a minute after you’d teased us about loafing all day–you said, “Now don’t work too hard!” and we laughed again.

It was our usual farewell routine. It was light and happy and loving.

I’m really, really glad that was how we parted that last time. But I’m really, really sad we won’t do that again.

I could say something about this…

Grandma, you were never at a loss for words. I think that’s where I get it.

Our weekly family get-togethers were never complete until we had a couple of great Grandma quotes to add to our memory banks. Whether you were just getting started (“I could say something about this… and I will.”), keeping your son-in-laws in line (“There’s a million ways to kill your son-in-law, but you really only need one.”), or demonstrating your modesty (“I’m the only one around here who’s got any sense!”), you were witty to the end.

You loved to chat with your grandkids, even though you insisted you didn’t understand half of what we talked about “because of all of that computer business.” And you got the giggles about silly things–when I went to Taos, New Mexico, you kept giggling because you thought the word “Taos” was inexplicably funny. And you loved to ask me about “that Twitter stuff,” but you got the giggles every time I said that someone “Tweeted” to you or called someone a “Tweep.”

The fact that you knew Twitter and Tweeted and Tweep… well, just goes to show you did better keeping up with “all of that computer business” than you gave yourself credit for.

The Foam of Knowledge

You proudly declared that the reason I was smart was because I got the Foam of Knowledge that overflowed from you.

I completely agree.

From the first day you said that, that was our joke. You’d tell me I was smart. I’d tell you it was because of the Foam of Knowledge. You’d tell me I better not forget that. And we’d laugh.

You always asked me about my work, even though you said you didn’t really understand what the heck I was doing now. But you were proud of me. And you believed in me so completely… even when I didn’t believe I could do it, you did.

“You’ve got the smarts for it, kid,” you said. “If anyone can do it, it’s you.”

One day, out of the blue, you called me to tell me how proud you were of me. How much it meant to you that I visited you and chatted with you and “liked spending time with an old lady.” And I told you I never thought of you as an “old lady,” and you just said, “Oh, Rissa,” and giggled. We talked for only a few minutes that day, but it was one of the best phone calls of my life.

Oh, Grandma. I miss you so much.

Gratitude & Memorials

In the past 24 hours, I’ve received an outpouring of support on Twitter, on Facebook, and in my email inbox. It means the world to me that so many of you are taking time out of your day to let me know you’re thinking of me and my family. Thank you..

A few folks have asked what they can do. Grandma had requested that when she died, people remember her through donations to our local animal shelter. If it feels right to you do so, you can make a memorial donation to the Bluffton Animal Shelter, 1613 West Cherry Street, Bluffton, IN 46714, in memory of Larraine Humbracht.

Other things you can do that I know Grandma would love:

  • Eat a piece of really good chocolate.
  • Laugh.
  • Play Pinochle with friends and family, and insist it’s your partners’ fault if your team loses.
  • Reminisce about your childhood, emphasizing the funny stuff.
  • Hug someone you love. Just because.
  • Giggle over something silly. And then giggle because you’re giggling.
  • Have a piece of cake. For breakfast.
  • Call someone out of the blue and remind them that you love them.

Larraine Humbracht
1924 – 2009

Goodbye, Grandma. My heart is full with all the love you shared with me, the memories, and laughs… and it aches that you’re gone.

By the way, I’m proud of you too.

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Another Office Spa Day Success Story

September 2, 2009 Behind The Monitor

Jen Hofmann’s Office Spa Day is always an adventure and a welcome break from my routine, not just because I get to interact with Jen and several other really fantastic folks, but because my beloved office area gets some much-needed care and attention.
I rave to friends and family about how much I get done each [...]

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Well-wishes for Chaz from all around the ‘net

July 7, 2009 Behind The Monitor

My brother Chaz had a rollerblading accident on Friday, and wound up with two badly broken wrists. He’s had surgery on his right wrist (and is the proud owner of a metal plate and some pins and some wires in that arm now, sure to set off metal detectors wherever he roams), and the left [...]

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How a lawyer becomes a can-do-ologist, and why it’s not such a big leap after all

June 17, 2009 Behind The Monitor

From lawyer to VA: a more logical switch than what you might think.
I used to be a lawyer. Then I became a Can-Do-Ologist (kind of a Virtual Assistant, or VA). And somewhere in between there, I made a shift that made a lot of people say, “What the… ?”
Because “lawyer” is kind of an end-game [...]

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Totally True Fairy Tales #1: Happy Birthday, Havi

March 7, 2009 Behind The Monitor

Once upon a time…

there lived a woman named Marissa who did some internet stuff and some assistant stuff and a whole lot of websurfing and blog-reading stuff.
One day, in and amongst her usual websurf locations, she happened upon a blog called The Fluent Self.
And it wasn’t what she expected, even though she didn’t expect anything, [...]

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