An Associate’s Guide To Travel

From Legal Underground, we are once again treated to an amusing advice column from “Stan Stankowski,” who seems to have mastered the ability to give very useful advice in a very amusing ways. Here, Stankowski gives a few pointers for associates on traveling for business purposes.

THE STANKOWSKI REPORT #27: An Associate’s Guide to Travel

By Stan Stankowski

Travel seems to be the theme this month, and I can relate. Occasionally, it appears that everyone gets on a traveling streak. So that you are prepared for yours, here are a few key Doâ€™s and Donâ€™ts.

DO-Pack toothpaste. This seems like a basic thing that every hotel would have in the bathroom. This is apparently not the case. It is very possible that they have some at the front desk, but things will pop up. The result, frustration. Save yourself some time and just put it in your bag.

DONâ€™T- Expect that you are going to some exotic locale. It is very likely that you will not. Case in point, myself. A partner simply rolled into my office and said â€œStankowski!!! Iowa! Three Weeks! Pack a coat!â€ and then drifted out as if I had won a trip to Jamaica for having the best recipe in the firm cookbook. Not that Iowa was all that bad mind you.

DO-Realize that local counsel may be great fun. On the other hand, local counsel may hate your guts. Apparently a bit of rivalry exists in these relationships, especially when local counsel is significantly older than you are. In any event, tolerate local counsel. Treat it nicely. It will expense dinner for you, and that is always a positive thing.

DO-Understand that every legitimate thing you spend on the trip will be reimbursed. Seems obvious, but those of us who are new to business travel sometimes overlook this benefit. So heed the advice and you will get to skip the â€œDonâ€™t take one of Clientâ€™s executives to the hot dog stand for lunch when it is -10 Celsius because you are trying to save a few bucks, Goddamnit!!!â€ lecture from various partners when you get back to town. Trust me. It’s worth skipping.

DONâ€™T-Make the mistake of thinking that the bar tab that you and the other associate on the trip ran up at the hotel lounge is reimbursable. This isnâ€™t always true. If the client is there running it up with you, then turn it in. If not, keep it to yourself. Along these same lines, donâ€™t upgrade your damn rental car to the SUV and then try to argue that it was necessary because you were in freaking Iowa for three weeks. For some reason, that argument doesnâ€™t go over very well.

DONâ€™T-Try to check your bags. Then everyone else traveling with you will bitch and moan for the entire trip. Apparently, lawyers are not ethically allowed to check their bags. This is largely because lawyers are apparently too important to wait five minutes at a carousel. Therefore, we are supposed to lug suitcases into a plane, hit people in the head with them while trying to cram them into an overhead, and otherwise delay the process of boarding and disembarking.

DO-Understand that, if you are going to a client facility of any kind, be it a warehouse, office building or plant, that clientâ€™s employees are scared and do not want to talk to you. They are all under the impression that if a lawyer talks to them then they are soon to be fired. This does sometimes happen, but not usually. So try to placate them a little. It will pay off in the long run.

DONâ€™T-Get bitter half way through your trip. Yes, it gets very old, and yes, you certainly miss being at home in the evenings. However, at least you arenâ€™t sitting in your office typing and getting reprimanded during the day. Consider it a wash.